Welcome to...
Turly's collection of drinking-related aphorisms
(Culled from the FinderPop AboutBox)
The wages of gin is breath. -- Anon.
Wine is as good as life to a man, if it be drunk moderately: what is life then to a man that is without wine? For it was made to make men glad. -- Ecclesiasticus
Beer. So much more than just a breakfast drink! -- Anon.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henry Youngman
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers. -- Anon.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools. -- Ernest Hemingway "For Whom The Bell Tolls"
Smoking cures weight problems ... eventually. -- Steven Wright
...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!" -- Emo Phillips
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.? -- Oscar Wilde
What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything." -- Anon.
Atheism is a non prophet organization. -- Anon.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. -- Anon.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. -- Steven Wright
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemingway
He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato
Work is the curse of the drinking class. -- Oscar Wilde
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -- Humphrey Bogart
A hangover is the wrath of grapes. -- Anon.
And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. -- Rudyard Kipling
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -- Ambrose Bierce
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- W.C. Fields
Teaching has ruined more American novelists than drink. -- Gore Vidal
In Vino Veritas In Cervesio Felicitas -- Anon.
When money's tight and hard to get and your horse is an also-ran, When all you have is a heap of debt, a pint of plain is your only man. -- Flann O'Brien
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. -- William Butler Yeats
To drink without thirst and to make love all the time, madam, it is only these which distinguish us from the other beasts. -- Beaumarchais
Only Irish Coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups - alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. --Alex Levine
Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation. -- Anon.
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. -- Anon.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -- Catherine Zandonella
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -- Dean Martin
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -- Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -- Kaiser Wilhelm
I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
Beer makes you sick when you're well, Beer when you're sick makes you well. -- By way of Wayne's Dad
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. --David Daye
The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run. --John Barrymore
If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue. --Samuel Butler
There is nothing for a case of nerves like a case of beer. --Joan Goldstein
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. --Homer J. Simpson
Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the cost becomes prohibitive. --William F Buckley, Jr
I find the only thing that really stands up, better than gambling, better than booze, better than women, is reading. --Mario Puzo
If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim. -- Joe E. Lewis
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in a brewery. -- H. L. Mencken
I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. -- Rodney Dangerfield
'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. -- W.C. Fields
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles, called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. -- Dave Barry
A little learning is a dangerous thing / Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian Spring / There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain / And drinking largely sobers us again. -- Alexander Pope
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot: Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat. -- Attributed to David Geary
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1562. -- Anon.
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group! -- Anon.
Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you just take the girl's clothes off. -- Raymond Chandler, "The Long Goodbye"
We are here to drink beer ... and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us. -- Charles Bukowski
Port is not for the very young, the vain and the active. It is the comfort of age and the companion of the scholar and the philosopher. -- Evelyn Waugh
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food! -- Hannu
In victory, you deserve champagne, in defeat, you need it. -- Napoleon
It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption. -- James Thurber
turly's home page FinderPop fnarr.net
last updated by turly Saturday 7 May 2005